Hold me


Sokka blended in easily with the crowd of Water Tribe merchants.  War or no war, business went its way and numerous ships were anchored at the harbor.  He had heard that the pen was mightier than the sword, but money was mightier still.  It was with little surprise, if with a fair measure of annoyance, that he saw that the prices for what were considered necessities at the poles were nothing short of scandalous.  Of course here, on the fringes of the Fire Nation, whale-seal oil was hard to come by.  He settled for seaweed lotion, it was cheaper but nearly as efficient to keep skin smooth.

He hoped that small gift would lift Katara’s spirits a little, it had been too long since he’d seen his sister smile.  Making sure he had all the supplies they needed, he made a last stop to get a bag of sugarcoated nuts.  Toph had mentioned being fond of those particular sweets.  The girl too needed cheering up.

As Sokka made his way back to the slums, he couldn’t keep unwelcome thoughts at bay.  Even though their group was tighter than ever, he knew they had all changed in profound ways.  Aang had lost his playful side, and showed a sense of purpose that at times was frightening.  He spent most of his time meditating alone, and didn’t even join them for meals.

Katara was sulking and her puffy eyes told she wept often, too often.  Sokka had tried broaching the topic, but there had been so much pain on her face that he had given up altogether.  There were too many secrets between all of them now, and the feeling of powerlessness made him grit his teeth in frustration.

As for Toph, she had stopped her teasing and seemed uncomfortable around him.  He never thought that he would miss her sharp tongue or tomboyish ways.  She’d also changed outwardly, in a surprising growth spur that melted her baby fat and made her gain a good hand span in height.  Sokka shook his head and berated himself, forcing himself away from that line of thought.  Things were already complicated enough.  It was with a sigh of relief that he spotted the decrepit warehouse looming near.

The entryways had collapsed, which had the advantage that no large group could surprise them unawares.  In the eventuality they were attacked by a small stealthy team, they had taken to occupy different areas of the warehouse.  If things came to worse at least most of them would be able to escape.  The warrior prepared himself to crawl through the debris, but he felt a trembling underneath his feet and then a passage big enough for him opened.  As soon as he was on the other side the rubble returned to its original state.

“Thanks Toph,” he said, “I didn’t expect you to be on this side of the building.”

“I was waiting for you,” she explained in a soft voice very unlike her, “You were gone longer than I expected and I was worried.”

She was smiling.  It wasn’t the assured smirk he had grown accustomed to, but a tentative lifting of the corners of her mouth.  Her hands were clasped before her and her thick hair flowed freely.  He knew she could bring mountains down, but right then she looked hesitant and frail – two things he would have never before associated with the earth-bender.

“Sorry to worry you guys,” he replied, rummaging through his bag, “Here, I got these for you.”  Toph’s smile brightened in delight.  She popped one of the nuts in her mouth with a contented expression.

“Say, you know where Katara is?” asked Sokka

“I think she’s near the well, I sensed her practicing her water bending but she felt upset, and then I think she fell asleep.”

“Better to leave her alone then.”  He made to go deeper into the warehouse, careful to remain outside her comfort zone.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

There was none of the girl’s usual bluntness in the question.  If anything there was a note of worry and expectation in it.  “I’m just staying out of your personal space,” he said with forced humor, “Wouldn’t want to get airborne by earth bending again.”

“Ho,” she said, “Sorry about that.  I just like playing rough, and I assumed you guys did too.”  There was something bothering her and she breathed deeply before speaking again, “I don’t mean just right now, Sokka.  I can sense you’re not comfortable around me anymore, but I can’t figure out why.”

“It’s just that – well, you’ve changed you know.”

At those words she looked downright dejected, “Is it me then?”

“Of course it isn’t you, don’t be silly.  It’s just that too many things are different now.” He reassured her, “Tell you what, lets put the supplies away and then we can talk about it.”

Toph felt a huge weight lifting from her shoulders.  For the past few weeks, in her unrelenting darkness, she had wept from the fear of losing her friends.  She longed for things to go back as they had once been but Sokka was right, there had been too may changes.  In short order they were sitting on bundles of cotton in his part of the building.  She felt a pang of disappointment that he kept his distance, but she understood she was to blame for it.

“Is it very common for people to touch among the Water Tribes?” she inquired.

“It’s a matter of survival,” he explained, “Fuel for fire is scarce, and we often have nothing but each other to stay warm.”

“You know that my parent’s hid me, and those I was put in the care of wouldn’t dare touch me.”  Toph took a deep breath before continuing, “Even my mother would rarely hug me or even kiss my cheek; I was taught that physical contact was improper, suitable for riffraff.”

“Surely they touched each other at some point,” said Sokka with a chuckle, “The proof is that you’re here.”

Toph hugged her knees and averted her face, “They have separate rooms, in different wings of the mansion.  All that ever counted for them is acquiring wealth and keeping appearances.”

“That explains why you get all tense when someone brushes against you.  I promise to keep my distances from now on.”

Her head jerked back to him, “That’s not what I want, Sokka.  I’m learning to enjoy shows of affection, but my upbringing makes me pull away.  It’s confusing, it’s just so damn confusing.”  Toph punched their makeshift couch.  It was fortunate they weren’t on solid ground or it would have brought a wall down for sure.

“Among my people,” explained the young man “We rather freeze to death than sharing our warmth with someone we don’t trust.  Trust doesn’t come easily, so you’ll have to give yourself time.”

“I trust you.”

She proved her statement by reaching out to him, lightly touching his arm with her outstretched fingers.  She smiled appreciatively at his well-defined muscles before going to his face.  Sokka mimicked her, gently traveling his fingertips over her features and mirroring her own exploration.

Toph moved nearer him and slid her arm under his, placing her hand on his back and resting her head on his chest.  He had to twist a little awkwardly to return the embrace, but managed a comfortable position and decided against hugging her quite yet.  Instead he played his fingers in her hair in a caress he knew was soothing, and felt her relaxing and holding him tighter.

“My back is all twisted,” she complained.

He felt regret that the moment was ending so soon, but when he tried to stand up she didn’t let go.  The bundle they were on was big enough for both to lie down on, so he guided her to his side and placed an arm around her.  She pillowed her head on his shoulder and they both remained silent for a long time, simply enjoying the closeness and warmth.

Sokka was near sleep when Toph pulled away.  He had a moment of concern that was quickly dissipated by her smile.  “I better go to my room,” she announced, “Thank you, that felt nice.”

“It did feel nice,” he agreed, “If you need more practice in hugging, you can always count on me.”

“I’ll take you up on that,” she said with her usual playfulness, rewarding with a smile.

He nearly offered for her to stay, but it could have been misconstrued and shatter what trust they had built.  Maybe change wasn’t all bad, maybe after all they’ve been through he could look forward to more moments of unspoiled happiness.  As slumber took him his smile didn’t fade.

The day was coming to an end, soft light caressing a last time the rooftops before passing over the horizon.  Even though they were indoors, Toph made herself a shelter out of habit.  She replayed in her mind all that had occurred since she’d embarked on this adventure, and the finality of the changes in her life made itself acknowledged with rocklike potency.  Childhood was over, and the time had come to leave the past behind.

Maybe now she could build new memories.  Better memories.  Happy memories.

She fell asleep as soon as she lay down.

She too was smiling.